Comments by Joan Boney:
I have a friend whose father is dying. He said: "Dad has been in 4 hospitals and is declining. Last Monday he made the decision that it was time, he is tired and ready to go. We prayed and talked a lot today. He moved to a section of the hospital where he will receive comfort care. His doctors feel his decline was not a recoverable situation. I am exhausted. It has been a difficult 30 or more days. I am at Peace. Please say a prayer for him."
I did pray: I said to God, "THY will be done."
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A week or so prior to receiving this email, I had written to this young man inquiring about his dad and I sent the following and told him to focus on this and these concepts.
I Thessalonians 4:13-17
14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with HIM.
15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.
16 For the Lord Himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
In a subsequent email, he said he had been keeping this scripture in front of him and had read it many times. This is very good action for him to take.
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In a second email, I told him: "One more thing ... When my dad died in 1982, I was so glad to see him set free from his body, which had become impossible for him ... really it was same with my mother when she died."
Both of them were born again. That is what mattered.
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Concerning funerals:
The dead person is asleep. He doesn't know that the living person is bringing flowers to his grave.
When my cousin's husband died, she was talking about talking flowers to Thurman's grave. I said to her, "Who are you trying to impress? Thurman can't see those flowers. So who are you trying to impress?"
She became very silent as she thought about what I had said.
Then she said, "Then it really doesn't matter where we are buried."
"Right!" I replied.
(I am hopeful that my cousin was born again at that moment when she agreed with the godly statement which I had spoken to her.)
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Funerals are for the living ... not for the dead, because the dead one is sleeping and doesn't know you are having a funeral for him.
When my dad died, my mother was still living. Because of her, I had a funeral for my dad. Closed casket. (Because I did not choose to see my dad's dead face. My memories are constructed to remember him as living and also as resurrected.)
When my mother died, I was the only one to be considered. Knowing what I know from the Bible, I made arrangements with the local funeral home to have them pick up my mother and take her out to the cemetery and bury her next to my dad in the grave which she had already purchased.
At the time she died, she was in a retirement home. The director of the retirement home called me and told me my mother had died. I told her, "Call Steeds and have them pick up my mother. I have already made provision with Steeds."
I did not see my mother's dead body. I knew she would receive no benefit from that and neither would I.
I did not go to the grave site.
The funeral director buried my mother and then he called me and told me he had buried her. I thanked him. I had already paid him before she died.
When I think of my mother or father, I always think about I Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord Himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
I did what Paul said: "that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope."
In the case of my parents, "I have hope" and that hope is in the resurrection when Jesus returns to gather the dead in Christ. And this is what I think of when I am reminded of my mother and father and my dead aunt and her husband. There is no sorrow at all! They belonged to God and therefore will be raised from the dead when Jesus comes. I see nothing but joy when I think of them.
When my favorite aunt died, I was living in Dallas. She had lived in Albuquerque. I planned to go to the funeral, and then I realized this would not help Aunt Ardath for me to be there, for she was dead, asleep. I did not want to see her dead body. My memories of her would be living memories. I did not want to see such things as caskets draped with flowers. I would remember her as she lived and know she will be resurrected when Jesus returns. I did not go to funeral or grave sites. I just focus on the way she was when she lived and the resurrection that comes through Jesus.
I certainly do not condemn you if you do as the world does. But I think you will cause yourself unnecessary grief if you go their way. You should be free to choose.
I Thessalonians 4:13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
As I focus on the Bible and the resurrection of the dead, I see another way to go.
I choose to focus on the living rather than the dead. Joy and happiness are the results.
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