As a New Christian in 1975, I was strongly attacked by spiritual forces. I had no teaching at all at that time.
The attack came to me in the form of severe depression.
I would get in bed and say: "Praise God ... Thank YOU for my salvation."
I just kept saying that same thing over and over. Thinking of the way God brought salvation to me and the word HE gave me at that time. Usually after a few minutes I would fall asleep and then when I awoke it was over, for a season.
At the time this happened to me, I owned a business, American Indian Arts. I had 3 women who worked for me and one of these women would often call a prayer group and ask them to pray for me. It always helped me.
My bookkeeper's husband was a professor at Dallas Theological Seminary so he came to try help me. He said to me, "All you need to do is put on Jesus."
I replied, "Fine ... how do I do that?"
(He couldn't tell me how to do that. Later God showed me how to do this.)
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Another man from Dallas Seminary thought the attacks were coming because of the Indian Art Objects which I sold in my business.
I was willing to destroy all my merchandise in my shop if needed. God stopped me from doing this.
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A woman in the prayer group, learned that I had been taken into heaven twice shortly after I was born again and she felt the spiritual attacks were because of that for it was obvious that God had a purpose for my life.
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In a childlike way, I decided to stop having anything to do with church or Bible or God if this was causing the attacks. I just would set myself to stop things of God. I would think no more about God.
But how could I do that? What would I think of?
I would think of the alphabet! So I began... "A " ... (no problem) ... "B" (no problem) ... "C" (a problem)
(I saw that wouldn't work! And my life was consumed with God since being taken into heaven twice. Things of God were all I cared about now ... except I did want to marry and was looking for a husband at the churches I attended. It turned out this was a part of the problem.)
If we pray and fail to get what we pray for, we can have a problem. Satan can attack our faith in God.
God brought this to my attention. From NIV translation of Bible: "How is it to your credit if you take a beating for doing wrong and endure it?" (1 Peter 2:20)
I saw it like this: How is it to your credit if you rob a bank and get arrested and put in jail.
How is it to your credit if you ask for something and God does not let you have that and you pout because you can't get what you want?
I think I had felt for a good while that I would not be marrying.
(Some women were much uglier than I and they had husbands! It didn't make sense to me. I would often date someone and then he would disappear! One man said to me, "Joan don't stop praying about our marrying ... " and then he disappeared without a word.) This was depressing to me!
One day, I was at my business and I saw a man I had been dating get out of his car and begin walking toward my shop and the Holy Spirit spoke these words to me: "You can have all the money you want. But you're not going to have this!" I thought God was showing me I wouldn't be marrying Bob. I had no idea God was telling me I wouldn't be marrying anyone! (This was in approximately 1977.)
I continued to pursue dating.
One man even said to me, "If we do this, it will destroy you." (He vanished and I never saw him again nor did I ever hear from him again.)
I was engage even as late as 2007. He said he was a Christian, and I tried to believe he was a Christian. But I think I knew all the time that he was not born again. He attended a church but didn't show any love at all for Bible or for Christians. I believe he just wanted the type of approval that comes from going to church.
He read some of my writings and couldn't see anything terribly different to cause me to stand out. He once asked me, "You're not going to stand on the street corner and preach are you?" I replied: "I certainly hope not!"
I seemed "respectable" to him. I had an earned doctorate and had taught at SMU and had once owned a business. I showed no sign of being a religious nut! But he was still very suspicious. We were going to live in a house which I was building which belonged to our church group. He said he wanted to be on the church board of directors. "OK", I replied. We didn't do anything so what did it matter.
It was July and my contractor told me I could sell the little house where I was living. My house I was building would be ready that summer. So I sold my little house. But the house I was building was not ready. Howard and I were to be married in September. I had no place to live and had 2 cats.
Howard said I could move in with him. He was living in duplex owned by family business.
I was very concerned that the cats would throw up, which they often did. He said, "That's all right. We can clean it up."
My cousin and her husband (leader in Church of Christ group) wanted me to go ahead and move in with Howard. (But I thought this was not a good plan.)
Then I heard a scripture from God by way of the Holy Spirit and I knew the will of God in the matter.
I Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
I had an upstairs storage area at the house I was building. It was going to be left unfinished. I asked my contractor if he could finish it immediately for me to move into and live there until the downstairs was completed. He said he could do that. I put a small refrigerator in a closet next to the upstairs bath and washed my dishes in the sink in that bath and lived upstairs until the property was finished.
Howard broke up with me in August of that year.
It became clear to me that God did not want me to marry. I had a call of God on my life and while most ministers marry, I believed it would not be best for me to marry so I gave up that idea. I was approximate 67 at that time and have been fine since then.
James 4
2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
I believe some of the spiritual attacks were being caused by my own desires at that time. When I gave up and sought the will of God for my life, the spiritual attacks ended.
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In December 2023, I encountered a series of spiritual attacks. I didn't know why these were happening. It was like I wanted to get away. I was so happy when 9:30 pm came daily and I could take my sleeping pill and disappear for that day. Then the depression would return the next day when I awoke. At one point, I wanted to start drinking alcohol ... but I've never liked the taste of alcohol. Once thoughts of suicide came. I know that was from a devil to get rid of me so I could no longer write exhortations to the church.
Then on December 18, 2023 ... I knew God wanted me to begin writing a series on Spiritual Warfare.
I got out of bed immediately and begin writing this. (The depression vanished!)
(I know some terrible things are coming in the days ahead and I have been concerned for the well being of the church. I do not think the church is prepared.)
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