Recently a woman was speaking to me of a topping that she makes and puts on salmon. She became very excited over this topping. And she said, "Tomorrow when I go out I will come by your house and bring you some."
That night, when I went to bed, I realized how much I dreaded this plan for this woman to come to my house the next day.
I began thinking of ways I could get out of this plan.
Finally, I got out of bed (11 pm) and went to computer and turned it on and sent her email cancelling the plan, freeing myself!
Later I realized why I had such dread.
I think the main reason the dread was there is if this woman (or any other human) came to my house, I would have to take a shower.
I'm writing this email at 1:04 pm the day the woman was scheduled to come to my house.
If
anyone was coming to my house this afternoon, I would have to think of
what time I needed to get ready ... I would have to take shower and
such.
As
it is, I have no schedule so I can do as I feel led to do ... If I had
plans with people it would not be this way. I would definitely be
affected by that other person. I might not want to stop writing. I might not want to stop reading blog ... I'm still working through the blog.
But
I would have no choice if a person was coming to my house. I would
have to stop and clean up and be ready to receive that person.
I
think this was the source of the dread I had last night when I was
thinking of this woman's plan to come over and bring me that topping for
salmon.
The salmon and topping doesn't matter to me. It seemed important to this woman.
Being free does matter to me.
So
at 11 pm, last night, the dread of the plan was so great I
had to get out of bed, started the computer, sent email to this woman, and
cancel her plan.
==========
I ran into this all the time with that woman from bridge center who kept wanting me to plan to go to lunch with her. She would call me and say, "We'll go to lunch Thursday."
I would try to stop her. I would say, "No. Don't plan on a day like that. When you want to go to lunch
just call me the day you want to go to lunch and if it suits me that
day, I will go."
But she didn't live this way. She wanted everything scheduled ahead. So
it was hard for her to adapt to doing things without planning ahead.
But
this put me into a type of bondage, a yoke, and increasingly I had
great trouble with getting bound up with her plans which were made two
or three days ahead of time.
I just can't live that way.
I don't want any plans with people. I want to be free to follow God and to move that day as I feel led.
Since I don't work at a secular job, I can live this way without having to go somewhere. I'm very grateful that I can.