Joan Boney ... apostle/prophet
As a new Christian in 1975, I went through very severe bouts of depression.
My best friend said to me, "Joanie ... this isn't supposed to happen to you now that you are a Christian."
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One day, God called the following scripture to my mind to show me what was going on.
I Peter 2:20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently?
Instantly I saw the reason for the downturns. I wanted to marry like my friends married. My best friend at that time seemed to have a wonderful marriage. I wanted that type of marriage. I prayed for it. I searched for it. Nothing was happening for me. Some women were physically uglier than I was and they had husbands. But no matter what I did, it wasn't happening for me.
And even worse, it seemed to me that God was keeping marriage away from me!
But when I was given I Peter 2:20 by the Holy Spirit and when I came to agree that my problem was being caused by my own desire, the "attacks" stopped.
As my best friend was praying for me to have an husband, she had these words brought to her mind.
"MY grace is sufficient for her."
Donna told me what she had heard and that she believed this word was from God. But I didn't want to hear that word.
I was dating a man from our church group. He said to me, "Joan ... don't stop praying about our marrying." And then he just completely disappeared!
I believed God caused this. And I was angry with God.
(Of course this caused depression.)
Another man which I had been dating was approaching my business one day and I saw him coming and at that instant I heard these words: "You can have all the money you want, but you are not going to have this ."
I thought this meant I wouldn't be marrying Bob. But later I came to understand I was being told I wouldn't be marrying anyone.
It took decades for me to accept this.
So I know our own flesh can be the source of our problems.
We can overcome when we say, and really mean:
"Not my will, but THY will be done."
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I Peter 2:20 (NIV) But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it?
If a man robs a bank and gets caught, he might suffer, but it will be for his own faults.
Our wrong desires might be for riches of this world ... reputation among others ... fame ... or it could be as simple as a desire to marry ... or to have grandchildren ... or to have children ...
It can be very depressing when everybody around you has that which you want and can't get.
When we can accept this is not the will of God for us, and we stop trying to get for ourselves that which we have desired, everything changes.
Psalm 84:11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will HE withhold from them that walk uprightly.
God is a "sun" to light our path, showing us the way to go.
God is also a "shield", keeping us from those things that would harm us or keep us from doing the assignment HE has appointed for us on this present earth.
If that which we want is a "good thing" for us, God will not withhold it from us.
I even had one man that I was dating say to me, "I don't know how I know this but if we do this it will destroy you." (He left my apartment and I never saw him again.)
Now when a memory comes concerning one of those men I had dated, I always thank God that I did not marry that man!
God was protecting me ... and God was enabling me to do the call of God that was on my life.
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Is there anything you want that you haven't been able to get for yourself?
This could be the source of your problem ... your own desire.
James 4:1-3 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
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We can desire something that is not the will of God for us.
I John 5:14-15 And this is the confidence that we have in HIM, that, if we ask any thing according to HIS will, HE heareth us: And if we know that HE hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of HIM.
Our own will for ourselves is often so great that we fail to stop and seek the will of God in the matter at hand.
When we can say from our heart, "THY will be done", we are greatly helped and peace comes to our lives.
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I have no doubt that sometimes attacks against us are from devil.
But a lot of the time, I know our own desires for ourselves can be the problem.
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